I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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