you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
