I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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