Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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