I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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