I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
