He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize