I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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