Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
