I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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