Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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