I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
