This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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