that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
