Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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