DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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