and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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