We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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