Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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