Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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