I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
