she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
