when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
