I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
