woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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