I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We just shotgunned beers for America
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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