I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
