I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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