Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
