Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
