I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
