and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
