I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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