Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
