I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
