Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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