Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
