nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
