An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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