Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
