Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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