Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
