I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
