so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
