How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
