i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
