the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
