I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
