if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
