I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
