meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
