On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
