We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
