I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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