Small penises have feelings too.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
