The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
